Jasmin's Blog

alright okay.

jasminmarie — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 09:13:33 +0000

so i feel like ive gotten a well deserved slap on the wrist for not updating often, MY BAD. lol honestly there hasnt been much to update on. but sine alot of time has elapsed since my last blog, i may as well fill you in on the goings on of my world.

-I got a cameraa!!! my christmas present from thomas. (: i was thrilled.

-i also got a nook for christmas!! (an ereader) i love ittt.

-i got a stupid meningitis shot that had my arm bruised for like three days. i was completely upset.

-went up to houston to fix a friendship thats been deteriorating due to my lack of nurturing. I hope its back on the right track.

-quit my job!!!

-i only quit because im going back to school

-TOMORROW!!

-i havent seen or talked to my mom in almost two weeks. and we live in the same house. its depressing me and making my heart ache. but honestly i dont know what to do.

-i took some really cool pictures of my friend ebony **which you can see if you click the hobby link on the left** theres also more on my deviantart ((Which is NEW)) lol link: http://jasminmarie.deviantart.com/

-i havent officially MET my roommate but i have a vague idea of who she is. I really hope we get along.

-oh, and to backtrack, christmas at the family’s in illinois wasnt TERRIBLE, but i still felt like i didnt belong there. :/ just a gut feeling i guess? or maybe insecurity idk.

-speaking of insecurity, i’ve been feeling alot of it lately.

-thomas and i have decided that we are going to share custody of a Panda dog. we just dont know if theyre REAL or not. i doubt it.

ex:

-im actually excited about school to start. lately ive had this crazy feeling that no one wants me around..i figure school will take my mind off of things.

i hope thats an okay update to start off with. i’m in the process of tweaking my page so bear with me as it evolves alright?

’til next time.

welp.

jasminmarie — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 05:56:32 +0000

off to illinois tomorrow.

handsdown

jasminmarie — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 04:52:57 +0000

this has got to be the worst christmas holiday ive ever had. and to think i thought itd be great. My mom came home from iraq and i had sincerely missed her. like. i genuinely missed my mom. she came back and i got put on instant lockdown. We’ve argued everyday and she told me straight up “to be completely honest” that she was glad to be away from me for those four months..
I thought after that, that was the worst of it and maybe, possibly things would go back to normal. I even gave in and said I;d go to stupid illinois for christmas because although it’d dampen my spirits, itd bring everyone elses up. And i couldnt let everyone be sad for the holidays. so once again, for the mllionth time in my life I”m placing someone elses happiness over mine. for people that dont think twice about me on any given day and dont even really care if IM there or not.. and for a mom that needs time away from me and has no problem hurting my feelings as long as its making her feel good. and then i tell my mom im going out to see my friends that i havent seen in oh.. a YEAR. and we argue about my 9:30 curfew. eleven oclock curfew. and my twelve oclock curfew and when i think we;re done she comes back to fight some more. I got hit, punched, and my hair pulled while my dad sat back and watched because i told my mom to go away. nothing i ever do gets acknowledged. its what i dont do. what i didnt do and what i cant do. Im never good enough. Im never going to be able to do enough and it makes me mad. I feel like i just need to be ALONE. i dont want anyone to come touch me or hug me or tell me its going to be alright i dont want empty fake ass apologies thatll be cancelled out a month later and i dont want to cry. i dont want to smile either i just want to be left ALONE. works been a complete BITCH and THIS is what i come home to. after 9 hour days a shitload of overtime, and rude ass ungrateful customers that i have to smile at, i have to come home to this. and its not fair. i cant even speak my mind without someone blowing a gasket. i cant argue or have an opinion or speak out when i think im being wronged because THIS is what happens. this house isnt even a home for me. i dont belong here.
but i dont belong anywhere else either. so now i probably wont be able to see samone again. that was it, and im forced to be here where im clearly not even wanted. for the first time in my life i tihnk id rather be w my bio dad that “cares” but doesnt want to show it than my mom that puts on the act of caring in general. cuz at least there with him i know im wanted and appreciated. despite the actions. whereas here im the gullible fool.

this, is but a glimpse into the holiday ive had. i havent even covered the basics.

i sure wish THOMAS

jasminmarie — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 07:19:31 +0000

would hurry up so i can go to sleep!!!!

sad but true.

jasminmarie — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 05:10:10 +0000

my friend ruiz insisted that i make a deviant art and now that i have, i am addicted. ADDICTED. like. worse than facebook. i cant take all of these different internet portals im always like itching to get on. its a catastrophe!!! T.T

id die without my laptop.

random facts because i dont want to bring you all down with my sob story of a week.

jasminmarie — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 04:53:13 +0000

1.) clinophobia is the fear of beds
2.) frogs cant swallow without blinking
3.) you mostly breathe from one nostril at a time
4.) almonds are in fact a member of the peach family
5.) the name “wendy” was made up for the book Peter Pan
6.) contrary to popular belief, lightning travels from the ground upwards not from the sky downwards
7.) when a person dies, hearing is usually the last sense to go
8.) only female bees work -.-
9.) there are more nutrients in the cornflakes package itself than there are in the actual cornflakes.
10.) in 1976 an LA secretary named Jannene Swift officially married a 50 pound rock in a ceremony witnessed by more than 20 people
11.) ketchup was sold in the 1830’2 as medicine
12.) strawberries have more vitamin C than oranges
13.) President George W. Bush was once a cheerleader
14.) Cattle are the only mammals that pee backwards
15.) the greek national anthem has 158 verses
16.) there are 635,013,559,599 possible hands in a game of bridge
17.) a recent study at harvard has shown that eating chocolate can actually help you live longer
18.) the word “tips” is actually an acronym standing for “to insure prompt service”
19.) to take an oath, ancient romans put a hand on their testicles. thats where the word testimony comes from.
20.) George Washington and Thomas Jefferson grew marijuana on their plantations
21.) ‘formicophilia’ is the fetish for having small insects crawl on your genitals.
22.) peanuts are on of the ingredients in dynamite
23.) the average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it
24.) the average female will have 3.3 pregnancies in her life
25.) i love you.

what frustrates me

jasminmarie — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 01:52:57 +0000

is life in general. the fact that parents always get their way and typically what you want or think doesnt matter. It frustrates me when my happiness has to come at the expense of someone elses and i always have to choose. and typically, i dont choose me. It frustrates me when fate has a say in every aspect of my life and all i can do is “live with it.” or when something i really want doesnt happen all i get is “maybe it just wasnt meant to be.” thats not what i want to hear i want to hear “theres a way you can fix it.” or “let me rewind time for you so you can start all over again.” i absolutely cant stand walking on eggshells around people that should know me by now. I hate when i cant be who i am. i cant be friends w a GUY or when i am i have to act a certain way or uphold a certain stance so certain lines dont get blurred. thats bs. i should be able to act the same w a boy as i do w a girl WTF IS THE PROBLEM. I hate how a simple text message that says hello and is in fact a small effort to stay in touch can be manipulated into a weird out of this world thing that im texting at all. sometimes i want to scream at the top of my lungs and cry until i run out of tears becauseI’m half BLACK. Believe it or not sometimes i want to trade skin with a white person because being dark comes with such disadvantages that ive never in my life dealt with until now. WHY THE FUCK DOES COLOR MATTER?! why does being BROWN make me bad person? im younger than some people and am therefore insignificant. i hate that that applies to people within my own family. I hate that history cant be erased and the way people feel sometimes cant be changed. it frustrates me that “everyone” needs love. WHY. WHY DO WE NEED TO BE LOVED IN ORDER TO BE HAPPY? why cant we just be happy on our own accord? I hate when people twist the words that come out of my mouth or are too prideful to accept the blame. I hate that saying “im sorry” doesnt fix things and “forgiving and forgetting” are the hardest things to do no matter how badly you want to move on. I cant STAND hiding who i am from everyone because EVERYONE is a critic. No, im not perfect but WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO SAY IT?! I hate that fingers point, and words break far more important things than bones. i hate that i cant choose my own future like i choose my dinner for the night. and i hate that i have to suffer through the bad times to reach the good. and it FRUSTRATES me to the CORE that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE THINGS frustrated me on the SAME MF DAY.

pictures.

jasminmarie — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 01:34:56 +0000

i found that remind me of people i know, and myself as well (:
oh i take no credit for these. i just like them. that is all.

TODAYY

jasminmarie — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 04:37:04 +0000

is the day before my mothers return. (:

i ran alot of errands and spent almost fifty dollars on a stupid oil change and a car inspection. it irritated me. then i practically flew to stephenville to take pictures of a girl named Shelby and her brother. it was pretty dark by the time we were able to take pics so they didnt come out as well as i had hoped they would. (although they did look alright) im just picky. so shelby if you’re reading this im going to take some pics of you when i get back to school make up for it. yay!! lol. then i scooped up my friend Cece and dropped her off at her house in killeen and now im home. getting ready for my mothers return ^^

here’s a snapshot from today.

oh! and i redid some stuff to my blog (obviously). i think i like it this way better.

its official.

jasminmarie — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 08:23:09 +0000

i have a sleeping malfunction.